Can we claim it as an annual tradition now that these posts are a little late? I can’t blame a pandemic like I could last year but this year I’m going to lay the blame entirely at your little brother’s feet. And yours. And your sisters… frankly it’s a wonder this thing is being written at all – I’ve had to stay up whilst everyone else sleeps just to grab a few moments peace to tap away to you. You’re welcome by the way. And worth it, totally, utterly, entirely worth it.
So… five. My baby is five.
Doesn’t five sound grown up? I can’t believe that once again I blinked and now own a five year old! This last year has been one of the longest in so many ways and yet it feels like seconds ago that you turned four. On your birthday I watched the videos from the year before and marvelled at how much you’ve changed this year. You’ve grown. You’re not a chubby faced little pre-schooler anymore. You’re a fully fledged boy these days, and a lovely one with it.
Oh my boy. My biggest boy. You will always hold that space in my heart. Your firsts are often our firsts and between us we’re making it through them. This year we hit a biggie; you started school.
Of course, you’d been there before thanks to pre-school and in many ways, a global pandemic meant that you were robbed of the ending to that that you deserved. But you went back with a tiny group of friends to the school pre-school last summer and you thrived with the focus and attention of being in such a tiny group. September felt like a natural step and yet also a big leap, because as ready as we both were for you to go and soar, I also wasn’t. Oh I knew it was so right for you but it’s such a big change for us and after months of being in each others pockets I missed you so much. So whilst I may have cried for you when they shut the schools again in the winter, inside a part of me loved that unexpected time together again, just us. Although let’s agree never to make me homeschool you again, ever… yeah?
Since you started properly I feel like I’ve found a new part of you – one that I can’t protect from everything but that also makes me proud every single day. Your confidence has started to soar recently, you’ve found a little group of friends that make you laugh constantly and you’re smart. My goodness, are you smart. Your maths is brilliant and the fact that you can read fluently already is just mind blowing. Okay so you hate writing but you know what? You can still do it… you just don’t have the patience for it and I can relate to that. Patience is definitely not something we do well with, either of us!
In just a couple of weeks you’ll have finished reception and I feel like thats going to be the start of proper school for you then. Your first year has been so broken but so protected in many ways thanks to the school set up and Year One feels like a big jump. You’re ready for it tough. I’m not… again! First we get to go through all the fun bits; the sports days, the ice lollies on a Friday, the joy of you having forest school with your friends. I think we’ve found our feet there, haven’t we. Not only that but you’re helping your sister find hers now that she’s starting and it’s lovely to watch you in big brother action. You are the best big brother that I know, so excited to have there. To the point I was worried you’d ignore your friends but I’m told that’s not the case!
Speaking of you as a big brother, this last year you’ve gained another one to be big brother too. And you’re epic at it! When your sister was born you were barely more than a baby yourself but this time around you’ve really understood what’s happening and been so excited. The night he was born, you came and gave me a sleepy hug as you went to Grandma and Grandpa’s house and had the biggest grin on your face at the prospect of having a new sibling the next time you saw us. You are kind, caring and observant. You’ll sing to him to calm him down and hold his hand. One time you even took to telling me it was alright to sort out your sister as you’ll take charge of the baby. My heart breaks seeing you do such a good job.
And with your sister? You’re thick as thieves, the pair of you. You jostle with her to be in charge but you give in to her all the time to keep her happy. You play together brilliantly and we’ll often find you making dens and acting out stories when we emerge from the bedroom in the morning – I guess if you have to be up so early, atleast you entertain each other!
I love hearing you talk about your gymnastics club and your taekwando and the fact that you go in and do it by yourself… oh my goodness, I thought you would always need me but apparently you’re okay with me outside as well! This year you’ve learnt to ride your bike, you’ve worked with speech and language to fix your frustrations with your ‘s’ noise, you’ve tackled multiple challenges head on without even blinking – you’ve even finally managed to go back under water in the pool! Who would have thought that you’d have tried so many new things in the last year, even with a pandemic in play!?
My darling boy, I hope that this year is kinder to us all than the last one has but I’ll be forever grateful for these extra months to spend with you – a time I thought that I wouldn’t have. You’re proof that time flies past and suddenly you seem so grown up so quickly. Every time you put your hand in mine I wonder if it will be the last time so I squeeze it extra hard. You make me proud every single day with your generosity and your incessant urge to want to learn everything. You’re smart, kind, funny and just the right side of cheeky. It’s an absolute honour to watch you grow into such a beautiful young man.
We love you, our little adventure agent. My little bean.