Divorce is often one of the most emotionally charged experiences a person can go through. It signifies the end of a significant chapter in your life, and navigating this transition can be incredibly challenging- that alone doesn’t even express the sheer pain and disappointment you’re most likely going to feel through all of this. There’s a lot on you; you still have a routine, but you also feel this heavy burden of betrayal.
But at the same time, you still need to be civil; you just don’t want to do or say anything that you might regret; if you have a child, you need to be a responsible parent, too, when it comes to all of this. At the end of the day, you need to be civil for your well-being, and being civilised will greatly affect the outcome of all parties too.
Why Is It So Important?
Just think of it this way: if you act out and you’re not civilised it’s going to hurt you. Actually, this can have a lot of nasty effects. Yes, it’s hard to not show those big emotions, but you have to avoid showing them. You have to be civil, you have to be strong, the more civil you are, the more strong you’re appearing, and the less likely you’ll be taken advantage of- remember that. You can feel what you feel, but see a professional about it rather than showing it to your family or ex-partner. But how exactly do you stay civil?
Keep Thinking About the Bigger Picture
When emotions are running high, it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment; again, it’s a divorce, so it’s understandable. But even through this, you need to think about the bigger picture because that’s what truly matters. In fact, the ultimate goal is to reach a fair resolution that allows both parties to move forward.
This mindset can help you stay calm and avoid unnecessary conflicts. The bigger picture can get ruined if you, them, or both of you aren’t acting civilised; you both get hurt, and your kids and others will still be affected by this mess.
Keep It Respectful
You also have to keep in mind that effective communication is key to maintaining civility during a divorce. You might have a lot of anger towards them, maybe even full-on hatred, and it’s entirely understandable you want them to hear what you think about them. But the reality is, you can’t. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but again, you need to be civil or they’ll “win” in this divorce.
But if you think it’s impossible, then that’s fine too, because you could even consider using mediation or a third party to facilitate discussions. There are some meditators that focus on certain professions if you think that helps. For example, if you or your ex were in the police force, you could use police divorce lawyers as meditators in the divorce if you (or also them) believe it’s not possible to be respectful and not show emotions.
Go with Written Communication
Written communication, such as emails, can also provide a buffer, allowing you to think carefully about your words before responding- but again, having a third party still might be the safest option if you think you lack control on saying anything unnecessary during communication.
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